I am

so much of me depends on my environment
depends on the passage of time
and time putting various circumstances in my lap

I react and adapt
move forward
forget and forgive

but what more is there?

I am more than a reaction
more than things I can perceive then control

there is part of me that remains

I see the product, others see the product

but I am more than a reaction

I am static
I am my past and future
a past and future separate
separate from my environment
separate from my circumstances

this is my goal
this is absolutely my goal

to be my past and future
the part that remains static
the indefinable part
that shines when circumstances
arise

this is the core
that is timeless
perpetual
and without....

without being seen
it hides

it is the part that calls to action
and I judge by action
but it remains
separate

I am everything I want to be
I am all-present
and all encompassing presence

I am
I am
I am

and nothing more

to realize this is my goal

~joshua

Two things I never understood

two things I never understood

1) Why when I prayed for understanding of divine presence.... all I ever found was the world around me

never did understand that one

2) Why why when I prayed, it didn't seem to make things go my way

and those seemed like reasonable things to inquire about
and to think about
I think most people do
and their spiritual life usually hinges on it
basic questions


and my newest conclusions are somewhat different

for 1)
That is the proof

for 2)
sometimes "no" is a good answer

~Joahua

Higher Power

I have spent almost 20 years contemplating a higher power

And 20 years of research on...
anything....

should yield some conclusions

right?

but none


kinda sad, ain't it?

now I begin to realize
I can
imagine a higher power,

If in twenty years I have not figured out something
means,
maybe I am not so good at it
and that a higher power
is not hard to imagine

~Joshua

Invest

I always thought maybe living for the future
was the ticket

a snowball effect

put your resources forward
invest
in your future

and yes,
things to improve by working hard
for a better tomorrow

but tomorrow is not an ending

and there is always an ending
somewhere

so we will always be behind
only the past and present are guaranteed
but we are spending these
in trade
for the future

which is not guaranteed

this is an investment in our future
give up now, for later
give your money now, make more later
invest
interest

and then
things didn't go as planned

and we all know how that feels
nothing ever goes as planned
eventually
we find
we are not as bright as the infinite cosmos

and, yea
we loose every time

but so we are living that moment
insulting it
saying, "Mr. Moment.... you are not good enough
we are trading you in for a newer model!"

constantly.....
we do this constantly

if we are living for the future
almost by DEFINITION the present is not good enough

and yet all we have is the present moment
and we are running away from it
towards that all-better deal, the future

unhappiness anyone?

~joshua

Drumroll Please

Along the lines of hate and strife
Walks a man alone under a knife
He took a ram and made it mine
He left the lamb for drinks of wine

He lost his catch
It made him roll
Above the skin
Below a soul

Remarks uncanny
It took my line
Please take this umph
It's not a sign

You feel so angry
You deny it so
You lost the avery
So long behold

Its heavy
Its rusty
Its met with cash

Its rough
Like turbulent
And stings your ass

But a kind wind rustles
sheets of white clean linen
Across a fold
Below a cross
On top substantial pennance

Along a line of armor
defenses take place
The same words ramble
As if needing space

It's a long wind blowing
Might boast because
The lines startin' to showin'
'Bout what once was

But a march commence in its deaf
and a shreak tears the air
Along a long wide road
Where I swear we met there

Believe the lies
Take a toll
Move it on
Remove your soul

Let it lie
Let it sulk
Let it mute
Beyond bulk

Find your time
whisper words
Willow cross
No absurd

Make some sense
Feel it not
You're the culprit
I'm the fox

Makes no difference
Feeds the lines
But there are none
on the inside

Take it home
unless you're there
Sure hope you are
and aware